Spirit Stories: In Your Own Words
In 1986 I was diagnosed with severe Fibromyalgia after four years of being mis-diagnosed. My life was turned inside out and upside down every which way but loose and those who are currently struggling with this painful debilitating illness understand precisely where I am coming from. I had everything one can possibly have in the way of symptoms that present with Fibromyalgia, brain fog, chronic excruciating pain, debilitating fatigue, non-restorative sleep, low thyroid, irritable bowel syndrome, tinnitis, tmj, and more!
My life had become literally a living 'hell'. No relief was in sight according to the doctors, of which I saw many. Seeking help and answers from physicians practicing traditional medicine and those practicing alternative. I even experienced first hand several of the alternative healing practices, i.e. acupuncture, myo fascial release, osteopathy and others. I even researched all manner of herbal therapies, studied and researched nutrition, and medical literature. Desperate and sinking ever more into a deep state of depression and anxiety about 'my dilemma', and becoming increasingly more unwell as time went by, I even began studying various spiritual/religious modalities of both eastern and western cultures. All my live I have had an inherent 'knowing' that somehow we create our illnesses, no matter what they are, AND, that we have the ability to heal ourself! This, along with many, many other 'knowings' were always there internally with me like a beautiful 'presence', ever since I was a child.
I never understood the meaning of all of this until much later in my life, and more specifically, in the winter of 1988. I was experiencing the hellish world of severe depression, anxiety/panic disorder, accompanying all of the Fibromyalgia symptoms, AND I became Agoraphobic as well! I was truly in a most desperate, lonely, hopeless state of mind, becoming suicidal in thoughts, when I 'became conscious of hearing an ['internal voice' telling me to "go get a book to read". This seemed crazy to me at the time. How could I leave the house when I was terrified of going anywhere?
I tried to ignore this voice. But it wouldn't leave me alone and stayed with me for two consecutive days. I finally gave in to this 'voice'. My anxiety was enormous about leaving the house, driving to the mall near us in order to 'find' a book in B.Dalton's book store! This seemed like the most 'insane' thing to me at the time, but there was this undeniable, strength and motivation that became present within me that inspired me to 'do it'! I literally ran into the mall, first thing in the AM in hopes I would lesson my chances of 'running into anyone I knew, ran to the book store, and found myself quite alone except for the young man at the check-out desk. There was no one in the mall either. I had picked a good time so I thought. But I soon realized that I had no earthly idea what kind of a book to get. Which one? There were hundreds of self-help books and books of a spiritual nature. So what? I became so confused, primarily because my anxiety and depression were at such a high level, and the 'brain fog' had really taken over, so I was literally frozen and couldn't 'think'.
I burst into tears, saying "Please, please, help me"!! Suddenly there was this oh so sweet and gentle voice that came out of no where. It startled me, because I was all alone in there! I turned to my left and no more than three feet from me stood a young, thirty-ish young woman with blond hair, blue eyes, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, smiling at me so sweetly. I just stared at her. Where had she come from? I hadn't understood what she had initially said, so I said "I beg your pardon?" She continued smiling and reached directly in front of me pointing to a specific book saying, "This book would be wonderful for you". I was still in a state of shock, and reached out to pull the book off the shelf saying, "You mean this one?"
I glanced at the book, knew instantly that it was perfect and turned to thank her, but she was gone! This happened in a matter of nano-seconds! There was no way she could have exited the bookstore and disappeared completely in those couple of seconds. I ran to the front of the store that opened onto the mall, and looked up and down, she was not to be found. I asked the young man at the check out desk if he had seen the young woman. He said "No"! She would have to have passed directly in front of him!
I realized that something truly beautiful had just occurred! Yes, I thought this had to be an angel, appearing in my 'time of need', but you know what I learned several years later? That lovely young woman, who presented herself to me, in answer to my asking for help, was actually, an 'energy essence' of 'me' from a 'past life' that manifested itself, physically, in order to help me. And that book that 'she' selected for me was in fact the catalyst in helping me to create dramatic change in my life! It gets even better!!
On November 20, 1998, while sitting in my living room studying my metaphysical philosophy, of which I am a devoted student, there was this very loud, very distinct voice internally that said, "You're Fibromyalgia is gone!" At the exact moment of the voice speaking to me, I felt the physical sensation of the 'energy' leaving my body and 'heard' the soft 'whoosh' sound as it left! I understand about my dual soul mind and emotions and spirit consciousness. These are profound experiences in this lifetime for me, and I am infinitely grateful. My soul and spirit have and continue to show me on a daily basis, that we are all more than just physical beings. We are truly much more than we remember ourselves to be with a potential that far exceeds what the intellectual mind is capable of understanding. I feel extremely blessed. Thank you allowing me the opportunity to share with you.