Dear Lisa, ( awwwwe)

I really don't know what to say . . . . except my
deepest, deepest sympathies at your loss.

The best advice I ever heard was to keep very
very busy. Overtime, volenteering, anything to keep
your mind occupied . It's
really un-imaginable to believe right now , but in 'time' ,
eventually, you'll be able to remember Great Fantastic
memories , thoughts,
without so much of the pain. Sending you all the time ....

The happiest of Light even in the darkest of nights .

Dear Lisa,

I know you don't know me from Adam but my thoughts are with you love in these very difficult and emotional times. I'm going to pass on to you a little prayer (I hope you don't mind) that Dr. Joan Borysenko gave to me and a dear friend when we were going through some pretty tough times ourselves way back when .Perhaps it will help you a bit when the sad and lonely feelings creep in. You can substitute "God" with anything you believe in as a guiding or all knowing power.
It's called a Bookmark Prayer by St.Theresa d'Avilla

Let nothing disturb thee
let nothing affright thee
Everything changes
God alone never changes....

I know these lines brought me a sense of peace ,like meditation,even just for a little snippet of time..but that is how we often mend our way through grief ..little ,gentle baby steps..towards healing of the heart.Thank goodness we have such wonderful sites like Shirley's where souls can be laid bare and the beautiful light of such good friends to you like Jordan and others can cross the ethers.I can see that you are much loved Lisa.I hope that all the love that you have given to others comes back to you now,pressed down,multiplied and running over.namaste,Deb

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When asked what he thought about Western Civilization Gandhi replied ," That would be nice!"

Dear Lisa

I would also like to mention what helped me alot.
Looking through some old old notebooks when as a
child I did some writing. I thought my parents were divorcing,
(I kinda hoped they did) anyway some one told me
that when you see a "Star" at night Just remember
that loved one is with you every step that you walk
day and night.

I hope this helps.

Dearest,
glad you are not dwelling in regret.
Being alone is something not everyone can cope with.
And if you haven't had much practice it can be rather scary.
BUT, even as you read this thread you will see that there are already new friends to connect with as well as we oldies.
It is very important to have a lot of friends when you are dealing with living alone.
Friends that won't mind if you sleep over occasionally, because you just can't stand the quiet at your house !
I still keep hearing that MJ song, it has been running through my head for weeks now....
"you are not alone, I am here with you..."
So kiddo, hang in there, and recognise that this is a time for you to connect with yourself, and start enjoying your own company...for who else is better qualified to fulfill you...but ...YOU ~
kisses
gotta dash...am working today.
Peace
J

Oooohmmmm, Ohmmmm you are in my prayers AH

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Hi Lisa,

I haven't been around for a while, but I can't tell you how sad I am to hear the news of your loss.

Grief is so unique, isn't it? We all do it our own way and in our own time. It's hard to give advice, but I do recommend the book, "The Year of Magical Thinking" by the writer Joan Didion. She writes about the first year after her husband died, and describes that first year so perfectly------that time of "magical thinking" before we've truly grasped the loss. Like you, Joan Didion kept expecting her husband to walk through the door, and so many have said her experiences mirrored their own loss in perfect words.

Also, Neale Donald Walsch wrote a book about what happens when we die. It's called "Home With God" and is very profound. I read both these books after my father died (also way too young) a few years ago and both of these books were a big part of my grieving and healing...

So, I'm thinking of you. I hope these two little recommendations were God-sent and that they will offer healing to you when you are ready. If you are not in the book buying mode, I'd be happy to send them to you. I have them both and am happy to send them off into the world to someone who needs them.

Love to you. Sending healing prayers.

Much Love,

Margot

Let me clarify: I have not lived completely alone but I grew up an only child and prefer my own company. Ed was the only person I was ever able to live with successfully without wanting to kill the other person. I'm also very careful about the energies I allow into my home space.

However, I have family and friends all over. Ed's friends around here watching out for me, my cousin spending the night on occasions when she has to be in the city, neighbors just a knock away and a truly impressive list of phone numbers I can call just about any time I need them.

My work requires intense focus and attention to details, and I'm good at it, so Monday through Friday my days are full and on the weekends I've got all those little things to catch up on, to the point I have to make myself take time for myself to rest and relax.

I'm just letting things flow right now. Sometimes are easier than others.

Margot, I'll have to check out the Didion book, though I'm not sure they'll have it at Half-Price Books, which is the closest book store to me. It's going to be a few weeks before I'm able to do any online shopping, but I'll see if I can find it. I appreciate the offer to send it, though and I may take you up on it.

Again, thank you all for your support. I'm going to be okay. It's just going to take a while. And lots of Kleenex.

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http://spiritlighthealing.tripod.com

Lisa,

You will find Didion's book an interesting read. This next year you will be going through some 'Magical Thinking' of your own and Joan's words may hit home with you.

Another book, which is a very light read, is Betty Edie's book, 'Embraced by the Light.' You may have even read it. She describes an NDE and what and who she encountered along her journey. It may be very comforting to you at this time. Those whom I have given this book to have shared that they found specific items in it to help them with their grief, especially at the beginning stages. Just take from it what resonnates with you.

Dear friend, I would like to offer a suggestion that I remember my mother telling me about and one which you may find helpful. When my step-father died my mother was very grieved at the thought that she would not feel my step-dad's arms around her any longer, in this life anyway. So what she did was this: she sat in one of her kitchen chairs and placed on the back of her chair one of my step-father's sweaters. Every time she felt that she needed a 'hug,' she leaned back and took the arms of his sweater and wrapped it around herself. In that way, she could 'hug' her dear husband. His smell was still on the sweater and his scent, combined with the coziness of the wool -- well,it was her unique way of feeling comforted and loved. It is a simple little exercise, but Lisa, if you had known my mother and step-father, you would know how a little bit of 'Magical Thinking' with a sweater helped her cope. She too passed on not long after; so as I tell you this I am smiling and I hope that you receive some measure of comfort from both the story and -- if you choose -- from a sweater of Ed's.

May each day bring you the comfort of knowing how much you are loved -- by all.

Blessings,
Victoria/

Victoria,

I found your sweater suggestion profoundly comforting and lovely! What a perfect idea.

I have my father's tie straddling the bulletin board above my desk. I remember him wearing it. Occassionally, I take it down and hold it, smell it and think about him. After your suggestion, however, I suppose I could actually put it on from time to time! Since it is so gender specific, I wonder if my family would think I have lost my mind....

But this is why people are there for one another...because we can offer simple suggestions like yours...things that helped...or made a difference.

Bless you..

Margot

Oh, Victoria, that's a lovely suggestion but Ed was SO not a sweater kind of guy. I do wear his favorite Dickies hoodie, and I sleep with his pillow cuddled to me though. I've gone through all the rest of the clothes he had left around unwashed (not many, he did the laundry the day before he passed) and none of them really smelled like him. Not even his blanket! I was disappointed, to say the least.

But I do have a vivid imagination and a rich store of memories on which to draw...and I do that quite often.

It's hard to believe it's been 3 weeks now. On the one hand it feels like a lifetime, on the other it seems like just a few days. The rollercoaster may not be going as fast now, but it's still going up and down and twisting and turning. Little things, big things...anything can strike a nerve, and they're all raw. No amount of medication can numb them now, or at least no amount I'm willing to take. But that's okay, I recognize it's part of the healing process no matter how badly it sucks.

Yesterday I was helping a woman with an In Memoriam for her son, whose birthday is today, and she got choked up while we were talking, which of course choked me up. It would have anytime, but especially now. We talked for a minute and she said "Tears cleanse the soul." I said, "Well in that case, mine should be see-through." I don't think she understood what I meant, but that's okay.

This weekend I have to begin the process of packing to move, and that should be interesting, to say the least. I've left all of Ed's things pretty much exactly where they were, so I'm glad I stocked up on Kleenex when they were on sale last week because I'm sure my soul is in for a good shower.

And Victoria, I have read "Embraced by the Light" but it's been a while. I might check into it again now that I'm able to read more than a paragraph at a time again.

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