09-06-2011, 08:13 PM
Join Date: Dec 2001
Originally Posted by Cher O
I am so sorry you and Sean (and Peg) are going thru this.
You are an amazing spirit as I know Sean is. So as you ask, I am praying for the highest good of Sean, whatever that may be.... and of course the highest good for yourself and Peg.
I just cannot imagine how difficult this must be for all of you, tho I identify enough to sit here with tears in my eyes, so if this is full of typos, please understand.
I don't know if I could be as brave and open as you are being, Deb, if this were my son.... I tend to clutch at those around me even tho I believe the same things you do. For some reason, physical presence means everything to me.
Perhaps I can learn detachment from you and your strong belief in another existence.... I had that conviction once and lost it. Perhaps thru your and Sean's dynamic, I can get it back again. There is a lesson for all of us in this.
I have lost three relatives in the last two weeks. And my mother is 89 and my in-laws are in their 90's so more loss in the next few years is inevitable. I hope I can learn equanimity from you and your circumstances.
I am sorry I spent so much time talking about myself. But your situation was such a shock to my system I probably am not making sense at all.
Just let me close this by telling you I love you and am sending my intention for the highest good. I am sure the Universe knows what that is.
Thank you so very much for your loving tender care, your prayers and loving intentions.
Not quite sure of what your perception of detachment is but let me share with you what I am feeling. I have to say that I am so totally entrenched with the attachment to this situation with my son that I am seeping in it and that is what holds my whole of attention right now. I do not feel detached in any way but more so enthralled in all that is going on.
I suppose there is a difference between detachment and acceptance. Yes, I accept this situaion but I am so not detached from it. I am in it fully and experiencing it. My heart bleeds when my son bleeds. I struggle with communication between us as does he. My heart is heavy to see him go through all of this pain and these surgeries. I want so much to just hold him in my arms and rock him like I used to do when he was but a baby. I want to sing to him like I used to do. I want him to know that he is so very loved. There is no detachment in that.
I understand how some people may think that I am detached because I am not screaming at the top of my lungs. But in my heart, I am. I want to make everything better for him. Isn't that what mothers do? But I can't and that is what I have to accept. I can only be there for him as he goes through all of this trauma. Oh yes, I am feeling all of that from my head to my toes. But I have to accept that to be there for him. I have to maintain, to be there for him or else I couldn't stand it.
So, I'm loving you my friend, and hoping that you understand where I am coming from - a deep well of love in total attachment for that which I love, but attempting to proceed for the betterment of all. Am I hurting, oh yes.
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