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Old 09-22-2002, 12:30 PM
MysticHeart MysticHeart is offline
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 83
Default Re: Waves of Blue---Ojo Healing

Hi, Sandy,

Very interesting perspective. Insightful. No, you didnít offend me at all.

In regards to physical sexuality, I am definitely gay. 100%. This is one of many ďfiltersĒ in my lifetime in which I witness and express the Divine and create and transmute karma. Itís not something I chose in the physical, as some fundamentalist erroneously think. Iíve known since I was a child that I was different and I can see why some women became nuns because they did not have that sexual attraction towards men. A half a century ago I would have probably joined the convent just to get out of marriage. And certainly, I thought I was being a good little Catholic girl by not sleeping with men but after my first kiss with a woman I knew why. lol Sorry, pure honesty here.

Physiological reactions that stir up hormones and emotions especially love for me tend to be guided by a genetic component as well as a heart chakra connection. Iíve never in my life had these feelings, desire or an ounce of attraction towards men. But as a gay woman I am also NOT a man which some of the straight guys I used to work with wished to think. I am naturally affectionate to my friends and the straight women in my life know that itís not a ďcome onĒ, just pure, big hearted V.

Now, thatís purely the 3rd dimensional reality of sexual relationships in regard to me being gay. I am not a sexually driven person, more spiritually oriented which is why this celibate state of my life has been easier for me than I would say for some of my friends. But I must say, I can look at Tom Cruise and think that he is unusually handsome, even pretty but no tingling sensations. And then I see Penelope Cruz and I MELT, drop to my knees in goddess worship and just want to marry her. LOL

Now there are gay men that I absolutely adore--they are close in spirit to me. And the energy of the gay body is different, Iíll have to say. Maybe it is the goddess energy, I donít know. But it certainly is a unique vibration and expression.

Yes, true love has the capacity to transcend all space and time, body and orientations, etc. And spirit has no gender or orientation--just vibrational frequency. But for me, in this lifetime, Iíve never had that with a man and really donít foresee it.

Maybe you are more advanced than me. I say that with sincerity. From a purely social perspective I have found it very empowering to be a gay woman and yes, I tend to get annoyed with many straight men and the way they treat or demean women as purely sexual objects. I have a difficult time tolerating that disrespect towards women. Youíll see it within my circle of friends--like we donít care what men may think about us, we donít have that nagging feeling about having to get married, we are independent, we are driven professionally, we arenít hindered by some of their misconceptions of gender roles. I know a lot of that blends with straight women as well. I was trying to explain this to Margot the other day. My life is so different than hers where she is married with kids. Different roles, Different perspective. Itís very hard to explain. Filters--itís all about filters and how we see life and express life.

I agree that we need a huge infusion of the goddess energy to balance out the chaos that is occurring on our planet and to dissolve the patriarchal misogyny that has crippled some women around the world as well as our Mother Earth. Itís not about gaining power but maintaining peace and stability and with such a denial of the feminine or suppression of it, you get this imbalance that creates chaos and wars, hatred and violence and the obscene rape and pillage of our environment. Men who embody the goddess energy will have to be examples to the men who donít. Itís time for everyone to become enlightened.

Yes, you do see divisions within the gay community even among lesbians. Youíll also see some butch women who resent us ďlipstickĒ lesbians, chiding us that we are conforming to society. And that to me is all about taste and what style we like. I prefer my Lancome or Loreal lipstick, nice Ann Taylor suits when I have the money, GAP jeans vs. Levis or Wranglers, looking good my unique way but thatís just my preference. I am athletic, love to camp, strong minded and strong willed but not necessarily butch. I donít condemn them for the way they dress or style their hair so it was always quite interesting to get ďscoldedĒ in some sense that my friends and I werenít ďtrueĒ lesbians because our hair was long and we liked to wear make up and perfume. Like with all people, itís just a different opinion on how we like to express ourselves in this incarnation.

I can see the male/female vibrational theory even with 2 women---not the butch /fem dynamics but the whole energy thing. An aggressive intelligence, some may call it for the male energy and the more nurturing, loving energy of the female. We do all need to find that balance within us and our partners tend to mirror the things we need to work on.

Now, that ďhigher spiritual sensualityĒ is something that I can express with people I am attracted to spiritually--where we connect deeply on a soul level, where there is no need for a sexual component in the relationship. But once again, Iíve only had that connection with women, straight and gay, and gay men.

I do agree about the removing of boxes. That has certainly been my dilemma. I know I live within that box, always joking with my gay friends about how much I love being gay--itís been so freeing in many senses. And the conversations with them I would never have with my family--itís a different level of awareness. But at the same time I donít want society to pigeonhole me in a box, to limit me by generalizations or their misconceptions. I think thatís why when I come out my family will be thrown off a bit because I do not fit any of their stereotypes and thatís how it should be. A person should be guided to find love and not condemned when it doesnít fit the norm. But I hope to see a day where we donít need organizations to teach tolerance, that itís just a natural expression of spirit. And I hope to see the end of gay bashing, the fears behind being different. I had a sweet friend in college who was killed simply because he was gay. Jason had a heart of gold, wouldnít hurt a fly and two guys just decided to single him out for their deep hatred. So sad. That I hope dissolves with the infusion of the goddess energy, with the realization that we are all unique expressions of the Divine and we must honor our diverse paths.

Thank you for your post. Iíll think about it some more. Extremely insightful.

Have a great day. I just got back from the Opening Ceremony of the Mystical Arts of Tibet where the monks are in town to do their Sand Mandala. I couldnít catch the Tibetan name but itís the Unshakable Buddha who resolves conflicts and facilitates healing. Iíll go back this week to see how the mandala progresses and then the Closing Ceremony on Saturday.

Peace and blessings. Veronica

'In silence, sacred silence, we stand naked like trees in winter, all our secrets visible under our skin. And like winter's tree, we appear dead but are yet alive'--Joan Halifax
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