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GentleRick 07-10-2013 10:05 PM

Humor in the Horoscope
 
This sprung from a suggestion from Brit that I try my hand at humorous sign interpretations. So here goes. I hope my perfectionist and demanding Virgo doesn't shine too brightly on your sore spots - though usually that is the doorway to some laughter and healing. - with love xo Rick


Aries: If you were born between March 21 and April 19 let's face it - you like to start things and never finish them. You are impatient. And you're probably pretty good in a fight. Especially to get to the front of the line. Nothing wrong with being in front, but if you want to fall in love then you have to look behind you.

Taurus: If your birthday is between April 20 and May 20 you have "stubborn" in spades. You may have a gorgeous body and use it whenever you need to get what you want. You are very sensitive to others, but try not to be too possessive or have your own way every time.

Gemini: Those of you born between May 21 and June 21 - think you're pretty smart, huh? Just remember that the wide-eyed look from the person in front of you may not be wonder at your knowledge as much as "when will this person stop talking?" While teachers and parents may have let you get away with a lot due to your charm, sitting still and eating slowly once in a while won't kill you.

Cancer: Those with June 22 - July 22 birthdays, the phrase "first love never dies" can apply to you. That said, know when it is time to move on and give up on a grudge if that person has left and married someone else. You had your turn. If you feel that know one truly understands you except your cats, you're probably right.

Leo: July 23 - Aug 22 birthday persons, you give and you give and you give. If you like to give out pieces of your mind, remember to save one for yourself. In discussions, remember your nobility and try not to let your impatience ruin that great first impression.

Virgo: If you were born between Aug 23 and Sept 22 like me, then you have a great capacity for discernment. However, it's our criticisms that get us into trouble with others. So refraining from gossip is key. Bad restaurants and cheap clothes are the devil to us, as are the details. Don't be fooled. We're here to learn that the nitty-gritty isn't always that important.

Libra: If your birthday falls between Sept 23 and Oct 22 friends may often come to you for advice. Try not to look disinterested - you may cheer them up if you say the right thing. Also, handle any grudges you have today for in 50 years no one will remember what the hell you are upset about.

Scorpio: Those born between Oct 23 and Nov 21 can enjoy the reputation of being great in bed. Your tendency to hold back will only drive the rest of us to want you more. And since you might be reading our minds, you know exactly which buttons to push to get us to do anything. But when you walk away after getting what you want try to be kind to those left in the cold.

Sagittarius: For you with Nov 22 - Dec 21 birthdays, your about as subtle as a brick through a stained-glass window when it comes to being honest. Achievement is a must, except in relationships when your tendency is to fly the coop on to the next. While you may believe cleanliness is next to godliness, housekeeping probably isn't one of your strengths.

Capricorn: People with Dec 22 - Jan 19 birthdays you may get laughed at for saving your pennies but when it rains people will flock to you for help and dependability. While work is important to you, you are not too busy to find love or to crack open your heart just a little more. Young at heart is the phrase designed for you.

Aquarius: If your birthday falls between Jan 20 and Feb 18 then ask yourself if you would rather be right or be President. You would rather be right of course but keep in mind that the rest of us may have no idea what you are talking about most of the time. Though you are willing to make sacrifices in order to better humanity, always putting yourself in the dog house does little good for anyone.

Pisces: Last but not least, to those with Feb 19 - Mar 20 birthdays if you can remain sensitive without being the dishrag you will find comfort in standing on your own two feet. Come home and put your car keys away in the same place for you are likely to lose them otherwise. Artistically, remember to keep your hand in craft where it ought to be instead of everywhere or on everyone else.


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