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-   -   Silly jokes that make you smile (http://www.shirleymaclaine.com/encounter/showthread.php?t=214256)

PAULA CAMPOS 04-02-2013 07:15 PM

Silly jokes that make you smile
 
Baby polar bear asks its mummy, "Am I a real polar bear?"

Mummy polar bear says "Yes darling. Why?"


"Because I am flaming freezing".

PAULA CAMPOS 04-04-2013 05:08 PM

Corned beef sandwich walks into a Pub and asks for a pint.
Barman says sorry we dont serve food :D

PAULA CAMPOS 04-04-2013 05:19 PM

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot.

A carrot.

PAULA CAMPOS 04-04-2013 05:38 PM

I'm getting my stepladder out later.









I don't get on with my real ladder.

PAULA CAMPOS 04-04-2013 05:50 PM

two fish in a tank, one says to the other 'how do you drive this thing?'

PAULA CAMPOS 04-04-2013 06:53 PM

Mistranslations always the best -

+ Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk

+ Tokyo hotel:
It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not read this notice

+ Bucharest hotel:
The list is being fixed for the next day. During this time you will be unbearable

+ Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up

+ Belgrade elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving then going alphabetically in national order.

+ Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

+ Athens hotel:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11am daily

+ Sarajevo hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid

+ Japanese hotel
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid

+ Moscow hotel:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday

+ Swiss menu:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for

+ Hong Kong tailors shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs

+ Bangkok dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for best results

+ Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking

+ Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation

+ Hong Kong advert:
Teeth extracted by the latest methodists

+ Rome laundary:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time

+ Swiss mountain inn:
Special today... no ice cream

+ Copenhagen airline:
We take your bags and send them in all directions

+ Moscow hotel:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it

+ Norwegian lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar

+ Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common but they are better for the long run

+ Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here

Cher O 05-23-2013 06:09 PM

Hi, Paula.
 
Just want to let you know I enjoyed these jokes. I have read them twice now. Thanks for posting and please post more if you run across them. I love laughing. Love, C.

debabbott 05-24-2013 07:20 AM

Thanks for the chuckle!!!!!

Love, Deb

bubbles 05-24-2013 06:26 PM

Mental illness affects 25% of the population;
one out of every four people you meet therefor
are nuts.

Chi 06-02-2013 10:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bubbles
Mental illness affects 25% of the population;
one out of every four people you meet therefor
are nuts.
Oh?
i thought we ALL were. Ha!
Love,
Chi

bubbles 06-02-2013 11:40 AM

Looks like the pigeons came home to roost.
Or was it the goose?

Chi 06-02-2013 01:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bubbles
Looks like the pigeons came home to roost.
Or was it the goose?

All birds of a feather...

i've become a grown up now.
or maybe... a groan away? soft grin...

Love...
-

grtone 06-07-2013 06:38 PM

Ships passing in the night
 
What do you call 'A Ship of Fools' going 'Overboard' ?


'Titanic'

What do you call A Ship full of Foolish 'breeds' going 'Overboard'?

James Cameron's 'breed' Titanic .

Why? Because everyone knows Goldie Hawn is no fool.

grtone 06-13-2013 10:27 AM

'Bark at meeee? The Great Dictator and A Dog's Life
 
Joy to the World from Three Dog Night

".....If I was the King of the World.....singing Joy to the world.....joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea, joy to you and me."

grtone 07-18-2013 05:50 PM

school humor
 
Q: What do you get when you multiply nothing by nothing? What does it equal?

A: Nothing??

Incorrect. You're multiplying so when you multiply 'nothing' by nothing you get more nothing, Nothing! because you're multiplying.

Now something multiplied by something example: Kindness multiplies by kindness equals more kindness compassion multiplied by compassion equals more compassion. however no matter how much 'something' a person may think they have when you multiply that something by nothing it still equals nothing, nothing!

Simple easy math





bubbles 07-19-2013 10:45 AM

Q. What are halo's made of?

A. Neo preen.

Q. Why is a magicians wand traditionally black with white tips?

A. The executive branch is traditionally within the pale.

grtone 07-23-2013 04:33 PM

Chicken-Chili and for dessert: Butterfinger ala-mode Homemade
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bubbles
Q. What are halo's made of?

A. Neo preen.

Q. Why is a magicians wand traditionally black with white tips?

A. The executive branch is traditionally within the pale.


Halos are nothing but ancient discs. Question to you. What is the highest Disc?

Angels do have wings and sometimes it does looks like feathers and they can fly. Some very high.

Chickens also have wings and indeed feathers but they do not fly; at least not very high, maybe several several inches if at all.
Now we do not eat Angels do we??
That's WHY the majority eat chicken.
I think KFC is still great.
Popey's is very good too.

bubbles 07-23-2013 07:24 PM

The truth of Star-treks food replicator maybe stranger than fiction in that we could create our domestic help and eat them too. Kindness, however, dictates that we gather our amino's directly from vegetable matter.

Is the highest disc a circle?

grtone 07-24-2013 04:03 PM

Standards in Music on Compact Disc
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bubbles
The truth of Star-treks food replicator maybe stranger than fiction in that we could create our domestic help and eat them too. Kindness, however, dictates that we gather our amino's directly from vegetable matter.

Is the highest disc a circle?


Create our domestic help?? I guess that's why we have children.;) lol Just Kidding... but then again... I guess that's why... and where we get our vegetables. :eek: "Healthy servings everyday of fruits and Vegetables not to mention Nuts" However it seems to me there are less and less fruits and more and more Vegetables and Nuts. :eek:According to the Food Pyramid of America, which the POA gets most of it's money from, is Vegetables and Nuts.

Makes me want to not walk, not run, rocket all the way at the speed of Light and Sound to Burger King:D

The Highest Disc sometimes can be a circle and sometimes a cigar shape. It depends on the make, model and preference. Some prefer circles, some cigars, some both kinda like the Toyota Harmony commercials. No, no offense to the US Auto Market, which the majority are like cigars. Like the POA. Gosh now I'm writing in Ebonomics It's a US Legacy thing depending on what you like.

No, no no Ebonomics is not like Economics but then again...lol. no its a sub-subject in English. Simply put uhh 'Ghetto' Slang language which is a sub-subject language to The Standard English American Language or the Standard American English language depending on what side of the Atlantic you're on...


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