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-   -   Asking for Energies & Some Thoughts (http://www.shirleymaclaine.com/encounter/showthread.php?t=213828)

OneLight 09-03-2012 12:03 PM

Asking for Energies & Some Thoughts
 
Have recently learned that my brother-in-law, Jim, has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma. He is in his early 80s and it has just activated now. He’s been given one year to live. He was a plasterer by trade, plus he served in the war, and it is well known now that those in the construction trades and the military have been exposed to asbestos. So, I am asking you all to surround him with healing energies for his highest good.

As well, his wife (my sister, Erlene) has recently fallen while cleaning the kitchen floor and broke her right wrist (she is right handed). I learned today that the pin was taken out and it is heavily bandaged during the healing process. She will probably need some physical therapy later on. So please include her in your thoughts and prayers as well.

Thank you all, my friends. Your ever ready willingness to help those asking for energy is so very much appreciated.

* * *

And if you will indulge me, I just need to share some thoughts that have been circling around in my mind. In talking with my niece today, I’ve learned that my sister (who is also in her early 80s) is getting down with thoughts about Jim and his condition, as well as having thoughts about not wanting to be a burden to her children. Perfectly understandable. My niece is doing her best to impress upon her that she is not. And of course my niece is going through her own emotional turmoil about all that is happening as well.

Being a burden to our family is a thought that all of us share, no matter our age or physical health. But I can’t help but wonder where this mindset came from. Have we, as a society, become so enamored of our daily lives, that we think when we are in need that being lovingly cared for is looked upon by others as an imposition? And if we do think of it as an imposition, perhaps we should do some reflection on that.

My sister and brother-in-law have raised loving and caring children, providing all that they can for them to meet life’s challenges. Now they are experiencing a time in their lives when they need some help and support. Having been in this situation myself with my own mother who also felt she was being a burden, I considered it an honor to care for her, and asked her to allow me the privilege to do so…to share the love she so carefully nurtured in me all my life and give back to her during a difficult time in hers. A burden? No. Challenging? Yes. But schedules can be rearranged, and professional help can be obtained to assist and support, etc.

Now, more than ever, so many of us have come to realize that without sharing the love that we are, the love in our hearts, with those around us, that life can feel and be pretty empty. I know I’m rambling a bit here, but I sure would like to see this mindset of being thought of as a burden be erased from the consciousness. I can think of no greater gift a parent can give their child, or vice versa, than to allow the opportunity to put love and caring and concern into action on a personal basis.

Thanks for listening. I appreciate it. I just needed to verbalize these thoughts right now, even if perhaps they may be a bit skewed. I can only share from my own experience, yet realize that others may have different ones. You all are the best listeners, and you know, sometimes one just needs to be able to get it out, especially when one trusts and is comfortable with who is listening.

Thank you...
Love...Peg

Brit 09-03-2012 12:40 PM

Peg
I'll be sending loving energy and prayers to you and your family.

I so appreciate what you wrote about being a burden. I deal with that with my mother and Lee's all the time. They don't want to 'burden us'. We don't look at it that way. That's what family, friends and loved ones do.

But... I'll be the pot calling the kettle black here - from personal experience - it takes a lot for me to even ask for energy and prayers from our wonderful, amazing community. I know everyone is busy and in the grand scheme of life my issues are small compared to someone like your brother-in-law or sister, or Deb, or Sandy, or anyone else.

I think it is more that people don't want to bother others and add to their already busy and often stressful lives. It's easier to internalize it and struggle through than to ask for help without guilt.

Your thoughts are some that we should all pay close attention to, because in the long haul we have to be there for each other, with love and compassion and understanding.

Take care my friend and thank you.
Love
BE

sisterlura 09-03-2012 12:50 PM

Oh, Peg, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother-in-law's diagnosis and your sister's fall ~~ of course I will keep Jim and Erlene ~ and you ~ in my prayers and energy work.

You raised a very important question ~ I don't know the answer, but I share your concern. I'm wondering if some of it isn't a cultural thing. We Americans tend to be so youth-obsessed, for one thing, and the elderly are not revered as greatly for their wisdom, etc as in, say, Native American cultures. Nor is the concept of "family" as strong here, as it is, say, in Italian cultures. I've spent a great many hours visiting residents of nursing homes over the years, and it's heart breaking to see how many old folks are just dumped there and basically abandoned, even some whose families live right in the same town!

I took a leave from my job in New Hampshire, and left my husband and son for a few months to take care of my dying mom (lung cancer) in Maine and I wouldn't do a thing differently if I had to make that decision again today. Sure, it was inconvenient and a challenge and exhausting and wretchedly sad, etc etc, but it was also a tremendous honor - and somewhat healing for both of us - to be with her for that stage of her journey.

HOWEVER, that said, I also pray that I am never a burden to my Sisters here at the convent, or to my family when my time comes. So ..... back to Square One; I don't know what the answer is.

Perhaps a place to start is to initiate dialogue with our own families NOW, while everyone's feeling pretty good. Sort of like the Living Will idea -- get the requests or expectations or dilemmas or whatever "out there" in advance, before illness or crisis distorts rational thinking.

Meanwhile, hugs to you (((Peg))) - you're definitely not alone here!!!

Love 'n prayers,
Lura

OneLight 09-03-2012 02:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brit
Peg
I'll be sending loving energy and prayers to you and your family.

I so appreciate what you wrote about being a burden. I deal with that with my mother and Lee's all the time. They don't want to 'burden us'. We don't look at it that way. That's what family, friends and loved ones do.

But... I'll be the pot calling the kettle black here - from personal experience - it takes a lot for me to even ask for energy and prayers from our wonderful, amazing community. I know everyone is busy and in the grand scheme of life my issues are small compared to someone like your brother-in-law or sister, or Deb, or Sandy, or anyone else.

I think it is more that people don't want to bother others and add to their already busy and often stressful lives. It's easier to internalize it and struggle through than to ask for help without guilt.

Your thoughts are some that we should all pay close attention to, because in the long haul we have to be there for each other, with love and compassion and understanding.

Take care my friend and thank you.
Love
BE


Thanks Brit for your prayers and energy, along with your loving and wise response. You have helped me to stretch my thoughts about this by putting myself in the place of the "asker". You echo my consertnation in that I, too, struggle in asking for help because guilt does come into the picture for the reason you mention in not wanting to add to already stressful lives. This is an issue that I also have to work on and balance within myself. And I thank you for helping me with it along the way.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow and continuing to surround you with loving healing energies.

Blessings to you...
Love...Peg

OneLight 09-03-2012 02:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sisterlura
Oh, Peg, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother-in-law's diagnosis and your sister's fall ~~ of course I will keep Jim and Erlene ~ and you ~ in my prayers and energy work.

You raised a very important question ~ I don't know the answer, but I share your concern. I'm wondering if some of it isn't a cultural thing. We Americans tend to be so youth-obsessed, for one thing, and the elderly are not revered as greatly for their wisdom, etc as in, say, Native American cultures. Nor is the concept of "family" as strong here, as it is, say, in Italian cultures. I've spent a great many hours visiting residents of nursing homes over the years, and it's heart breaking to see how many old folks are just dumped there and basically abandoned, even some whose families live right in the same town!

I took a leave from my job in New Hampshire, and left my husband and son for a few months to take care of my dying mom (lung cancer) in Maine and I wouldn't do a thing differently if I had to make that decision again today. Sure, it was inconvenient and a challenge and exhausting and wretchedly sad, etc etc, but it was also a tremendous honor - and somewhat healing for both of us - to be with her for that stage of her journey.

HOWEVER, that said, I also pray that I am never a burden to my Sisters here at the convent, or to my family when my time comes. So ..... back to Square One; I don't know what the answer is.

Perhaps a place to start is to initiate dialogue with our own families NOW, while everyone's feeling pretty good. Sort of like the Living Will idea -- get the requests or expectations or dilemmas or whatever "out there" in advance, before illness or crisis distorts rational thinking.

Meanwhile, hugs to you (((Peg))) - you're definitely not alone here!!!

Love 'n prayers,
Lura


Thank you, Lura, for your prayers and energy work, as well as your wise counsel. Along with you, I myself have the same thought of not wanting to be a burden. And it is such a dilemma, I too do not know the answer, but I think your suggestion is a very good. We need to start these diaglogues with our families so that if/when the time comes, we can all move through it with ease, and peace, and grace.

Love to you...Peg

patswife 09-03-2012 05:46 PM

Peg,
So sorry to hear of the troubles your family members are having right now. I know that you will help to give them strength, being the person you are.
I have to agree with Brit that the "burden" issue seems to stem from the individual not wanting to be an inconvienece to those around them. I know that if something debilitating were to happen to me, I would NOT want to feel as if I were imposing on my family to take care of me. There are people who are trained to do this who are much better qualified. That being said, it seems that we are becoming a "me" society and we no longer feel obligated to help those in our families. Remember when we were kids and most everyone we knew had a grandparent living with them (myself included)? You don't see that much anymore. I think most of the young people now would not even consider having an ailing parent live with them--this is based on just the few younger people I know. My daughter is the exception, I'm happy to say. She tells me all the time that if something were to happen to Dad, I have to come live with her. I tell her--"not anytime soon. I'm way too young for that!!"
Much love, Peg,
Joanne

Wolfdog 09-03-2012 06:01 PM

For Peg
 
Sweet dear Peg...saddened to hear about your brother-in -law, Jim's demise and about your sister, Erlene having to deal with a serious wrist problem at the same time. Will be sending loving healing light and energy for them and you for strength through it all on top of everything else. You are in my prayers.


Peace, Love, and Hugs to you,

Wolfdog

OneLight 09-03-2012 06:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by patswife
Peg,
So sorry to hear of the troubles your family members are having right now. I know that you will help to give them strength, being the person you are.
I have to agree with Brit that the "burden" issue seems to stem from the individual not wanting to be an inconvienece to those around them. I know that if something debilitating were to happen to me, I would NOT want to feel as if I were imposing on my family to take care of me. There are people who are trained to do this who are much better qualified. That being said, it seems that we are becoming a "me" society and we no longer feel obligated to help those in our families. Remember when we were kids and most everyone we knew had a grandparent living with them (myself included)? You don't see that much anymore. I think most of the young people now would not even consider having an ailing parent live with them--this is based on just the few younger people I know. My daughter is the exception, I'm happy to say. She tells me all the time that if something were to happen to Dad, I have to come live with her. I tell her--"not anytime soon. I'm way too young for that!!"
Much love, Peg,
Joanne


Hi Joanne
Yes, I know, I have those same feelings too. And yes I too had a grandmother living with us when I was a kid. Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate your sharing them.

Love...Peg

Lasep 09-03-2012 06:56 PM

(((Peg)))

Sending love and light.

OneLight 09-03-2012 06:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolfdog
Sweet dear Peg...saddened to hear about your brother-in -law, Jim's demise and about your sister, Erlene having to deal with a serious wrist problem at the same time. Will be sending loving healing light and energy for them and you for strength through it all on top of everything else. You are in my prayers.


Peace, Love, and Hugs to you,

Wolfdog


Thank you, Wolfdog, it is more appreciated than I can say.

Love to you...Peg

OneLight 09-03-2012 06:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lasep
(((Peg)))

Sending love and light.


Thanks Linda. I feel those hugs and appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

Love...Peg

A Dreamer 09-03-2012 07:29 PM

Peg,

I will add your brother-in-law, Jim and sister Erlene to my prayers. Sending
some love for you too.

You know what I do here each day. My mother is not a burden. Despite her not knowing who I am in relation to her and not being able to do anything except feed herself she is not a burden and I will miss her terribly when she leaves. She cannot do much, but she does thank me every day for "being so kind and helping" her. Some of her sayings when she talks to the room are very funny. Even with her little ability to communicate I can tell that although she appreciates me caring for her needs, she would rather be able to do these things for herself. So, I have some idea of how a person feels that they could be a burden to someone else. We have to live out our life here until it is time for us to go on. I think that my mother does feel that she is a burden but she is never-the-less glad to have me helping her while she is here. I am blessed to have her with me and to have the opportunity to care for her.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts,
A D

Cushings 09-03-2012 09:49 PM

Hello Peg,

Very sorry to hear of your sister and brother-in-law's health issues, healing light, energy and love for you and your family, and every blessing.

Love,
Di

Brit 09-04-2012 09:24 AM

Peg - to add a tad to your thoughts and the discussion that followed...
I have a perfect example of why we should ask when we need help instead of feeling like we are intruding...

I asked Mom to come up and stay a few days just in case I didn't feel like cooking etc. That one request perked her up and made her feel needed. She's thrilled to be coming up to 'take care' of us.

Patswife - I agree the dynamic of families has changed tremendously. We keep trying to get the Moms to move in but they are independent women and want to remain so as long as possible - plus they don't want to be a burden. (which we don't think they are but we'll never convince them)

AD - the love and care you have given your Mom through the years is so admirable. I know it hasn't been easy on so many levels but I think you are a wonderful example for many of us.

debabbott 09-04-2012 03:51 PM

Sending loving healing energies to surround both Jim and Erlene and intending for their highest good.

So good that they have loving giving children who are willing to help them in this time. I don't think anybody likes to be dependent on another. I think it has to do with a sense of pride. When we were once able to take care of ourselves and others, now we have to depend on someone else. It goes back to being more comfortable with giving than receiving. And that has to do with "control" - being in control of oneself. In any case, it is an opportunity to become humble for sure. I think it is just another of life's lesson's that we are so presented throughout our lives to let us know that no man is an island and that we are all connected.

And like my Dad said on his deathbed, "Sugar, we are here to help each other."

Big hug to you my dear friend, I truly know how difficult it is to witness those you love, suffer. We will all get thru this, too.

Love you dearly, Deb

Cher O 09-04-2012 06:07 PM

Hi, Peg.
 
Sorry to hear about Jim and Erlene, your family. I know this is a hard time for you. I really appreciated what you had to say about people thinking they are burdens. I am grateful for this whole thread. I have many elders still living in my family and these dynamics apply to me. (I have often been a burden to my family and to Gerry!) I am not clear enough right now to write any more, but just know that I am sending you and yours light and love and healing energy. Love you, girl. C.

OneLight 09-14-2012 07:48 PM

Dreamer...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by A Dreamer
Peg,

I will add your brother-in-law, Jim and sister Erlene to my prayers. Sending
some love for you too.

You know what I do here each day. My mother is not a burden. Despite her not knowing who I am in relation to her and not being able to do anything except feed herself she is not a burden and I will miss her terribly when she leaves. She cannot do much, but she does thank me every day for "being so kind and helping" her. Some of her sayings when she talks to the room are very funny. Even with her little ability to communicate I can tell that although she appreciates me caring for her needs, she would rather be able to do these things for herself. So, I have some idea of how a person feels that they could be a burden to someone else. We have to live out our life here until it is time for us to go on. I think that my mother does feel that she is a burden but she is never-the-less glad to have me helping her while she is here. I am blessed to have her with me and to have the opportunity to care for her. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, A D


Thanks AD, how beautiful it is to witness your recognition of the gift you and your mom are to each other. I truly believe that even though consciously she may be unsure of who you are, in the deepest level of her heart and soul, she knows exactly who you are. And it is this Universal connection that is playing out right now in your daily lives, a view of the rhythms and cycles of life that are more precious than the finest jewel. Blessings to you both.

Love...Peg

OneLight 09-14-2012 07:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cushings
Hello Peg,

Very sorry to hear of your sister and brother-in-law's health issues, healing light, energy and love for you and your family, and every blessing.

Love,
Di


Thank you, Di, for including us in your thoughts and prayers. I know you are experiencing challenges of your own, and that makes your thoughtfulness even more cherished to me.

Love to you....Peg

OneLight 09-14-2012 07:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brit
Peg - to add a tad to your thoughts and the discussion that followed...
I have a perfect example of why we should ask when we need help instead of feeling like we are intruding...

I asked Mom to come up and stay a few days just in case I didn't feel like cooking etc. That one request perked her up and made her feel needed. She's thrilled to be coming up to 'take care' of us.

Patswife - I agree the dynamic of families has changed tremendously. We keep trying to get the Moms to move in but they are independent women and want to remain so as long as possible - plus they don't want to be a burden. (which we don't think they are but we'll never convince them)

AD - the love and care you have given your Mom through the years is so admirable. I know it hasn't been easy on so many levels but I think you are a wonderful example for many of us.


Hi Brit, I know exactly what you mean. I love this example you shared. It is so important that we all feel ‘needed’, that our ‘being here’ has purpose, and most especially to those in our immediate world. I remember when my mom was living with me, I felt guilty in the beginning because when I came home from work she would have dinner ready on the table, the house cleaned, the laundry done, etc. At her age, I didn’t want her to have to work doing things for me, I just wanted her to enjoy her life. Then it dawned on me that doing for me was her enjoyment! It gave her life meaning and kept her mind alert. And so I relaxed into it, and allowed myself to receive the gift she was blessing me with.

Love ya....Peg

OneLight 09-14-2012 07:50 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by debabbott
Sending loving healing energies to surround both Jim and Erlene and intending for their highest good.

So good that they have loving giving children who are willing to help them in this time. I don't think anybody likes to be dependent on another. I think it has to do with a sense of pride. When we were once able to take care of ourselves and others, now we have to depend on someone else. It goes back to being more comfortable with giving than receiving. And that has to do with "control" - being in control of oneself. In any case, it is an opportunity to become humble for sure. I think it is just another of life's lesson's that we are so presented throughout our lives to let us know that no man is an island and that we are all connected.

And like my Dad said on his deathbed, "Sugar, we are here to help each other."

Big hug to you my dear friend, I truly know how difficult it is to witness those you love, suffer. We will all get thru this, too.

Love you dearly, Deb


Hey my friend, as always I thank you for your wise thoughts. It ties in with what Brit was saying. And also, we have this sense of pride and independence, and when circumstances arise that hinder those qualities in us, I think you are correct that our lesson may be to learn to receive. In the bigger picture, there is such a flow to that, like the continuous ebb and flow of the gentle waves upon the shore!

Hugs....Peg

OneLight 09-14-2012 07:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cher O
Sorry to hear about Jim and Erlene, your family. I know this is a hard time for you. I really appreciated what you had to say about people thinking they are burdens. I am grateful for this whole thread. I have many elders still living in my family and these dynamics apply to me. (I have often been a burden to my family and to Gerry!) I am not clear enough right now to write any more, but just know that I am sending you and yours light and love and healing energy. Love you, girl. C.


Hi C, I truly appreciate your thoughts and prayers for my family (and me!). Caring for each other, young or old, is a blessed gift that we each can give and receive. Life events offer opportunities for all individuals involved in it; its just a matter of opening our hearts, seeing it, and allowing the love we have to grow.

Love....Peg


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