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Samcrawford 09-01-2012 12:56 PM

Unrequited Love
What do people feel the best way to approach this is?

In my own case, I met my best friend about three years ago. Immediately we hit it off and I don't think I'd ever laughed with anyone so much. We speak every day, we see each other about twice a week and it's just endless laughter, sharing and good experiences. Except, I fell in love with him and he didn't fall in love with me back. I'm a stand up drag comic and I work on the gay scene here in the UK. My friend is my dressmaker, he comes on every job with me, he arranges everything and he's never let me down. But being on the gay scene so much, guys flirt with him (he's a good looking guy) and naturally I then throw a bit of a strop. He's used to it now and he's very respectful of my feelings, he's been single since we met and we never discuss dating or anything like that. But my problem is, there's this constant fear that he's going to leave me when a boyfriend comes into the picture or that I'll have to cut him off because I couldn't handle it and that just kills me. I'm walking the Camino in a month's time and it'll be the first time in three years he won't automatically be at the end of the phone. It means nearly 6 weeks apart and I don't know what I'll come back to.

On the face of it, I know that's partly the reason why I want to do the Camino. I have to find my inner strength, be confident in myself so that our friendship can continue and improve, so that this love which he doesn't return in the way I'd like can be managed. But I'm not so sure how that will work. I just wondered what people's thoughts were on this and whether it can be dealt with? I know that I've known my friend before. It's as if we're two souls that just keep meeting but I wonder if we're two souls that actually never get together or that we're souls which seperate because it's all too much. I'd appreciate people's thoughts or advice :)

jade74 09-27-2012 08:04 AM

Without really knowing you I can only tell you my feelings on your situation. I believe that everyone in my life is here for a reason, to help me with the lessons I need to learn. I think that the people (and fur friends) in my life are a reflection of some part of my inner self and the more I get to know and understand my relationships, the better I can understand myself.
Take a good look at your friend and at your relationship. Take time to sit back and look at him objectively. Explore how you feel about specific things in the relationship. What do you find? How do your findings relate to you and your life?
There may be a bigger picture here which can be frustrating when you are feeling so physically connected right now.
Unrequieted love is so frustrating. I find it to be a lesson in patience myself.

I hope this helps. And I would love to hear about your experiences on the Camino. My friend and I are trying to figure out if the walk will be a possibility for us. We are doing some peliminary research and figuring out the logistics.

Take care,

Samcrawford 09-27-2012 11:30 AM

Thanks so much Jade, those are really lovely words and I know you're right. There has been a development of sorts in that I met a great guy who I like very much and have been dating for a few weeks. We decided to make it official last night and so now I have to work out where my feelings for my best friend will go and how it can all work. Luckily the Camino will give me plenty of time to find a few answers (I hope) but I know it's not as simple as "You've found someone so those feelings are gone now". Because they're not. But I will take your words in to heart and think on them. Thankyou again :)

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